Private Time
by muishiki
Summary: Everyone knows that Ranma's got girls after him all the time. How's a boy supposed to get some satisfaction without triggering WWIII? What about the other characters? WARNING: some chapters contain strongly adult content - not for minors.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own these characters. Legal stuff.

This contains rude language, adult situations, and sexual references. Don't read if you might get offended.

-----

Private Time:

Sometimes I think my old man is so full of shit that it's a wonder he don't explode like a septic tank that's been backed up too long. But every once in a while (getting rarer, though), he's spot on about something.

Like women.

I'm Ranma Saotome, the heir to the School of Indiscriminate Grappling and all around a pretty swell guy. I've got a curse that changes me into a woman (Hot water guy, cold water women. Long story, but I'm slowly learning to accept it), more rivals than I can shake a fist at (keeps me at my peak and learning all sorts of cool martial arts techniques), and overall a pretty good life. But women will be the death of me. My old man's right about this one – women ain't nothing but a hindrance and a distraction in perfecting the Art.

I might be dumb and all, but I ain't blind. I mean, I've got more women hanging off me than any one man should. I mean, I'm good looking and all, pretty nice, and a damn fine fighter, but I've got at least two fiancées I know about, one self proclaimed wife from China, and one crazy ass loony chasing me down just cause she's got more money than sense.

They all want me (even Akane, I can tell. Having a woman's body has helped me learn some things). What makes it worse for me is they're all smokin'. I mean it. I know I'm a bit boastful, but any one of them's pretty enough to be a model. So that brings me to my main problem. I'd like to do stuff like normal teenage boys do with girls, ya know? Get the occasional hand job or bj, not to mention score as often as possible. But that's not in the cards for me (at least, not yet), considering how fucked up my life is right now.

Xian Pu's a Chinese Amazon and self proclaimed wife. The crazy chick's been following me around for over a year. First she wanted to kill me, now she wants to drill me. That wouldn't be a bad thing if it didn't mean I'd be dead in an instant. She's got a rack that defies gravity and description. I've seen them enough times to know – they have got to be at least D cups, pert, and perfectly symme.. symet… What the hell is that word? Anyway, they're pretty nice.

And she's natural. I've never seen hair like hers, but somehow, her hair is purple – everywhere. And she trims. I remember this one swimsuit she wore at the beach that wasn't much more than two ribbons from crotch to neck… I see her naked more than anyone else, and I'd like to see more, if it didn't mean an early grave.

Sigh…

Then there's Ukyou, the "cute" fiancée. She might dress like a boy, but it's pretty obvious what she's hiding under those wraps. She might not have boobs as big as Shampoo, but she's got that cute little innocent girl act down. I'm telling you. I've watched her move, though, and I'm pretty sure that Ukyou's got something that even Xian Pu don't. I'm talking real sex appeal.

Xian Pu's like a pin up doll – you wanna bust a nut and move on. Some marines I met down in Okinawa described that kind of girl as "hump 'em and dump 'em." She'd be a sex kitten, no doubt, but there's not all that much goin' on up stairs, ya know?

Ukyou, though? She'd blow your mind, then your balls, and have you beggin' for more. At least, that's what I think. In some ways, though, I'm glad I've never seen her naked, cause that'd be wrong. I think of her like my sister, but if I got too much of an eyeful, I'm not sure my devotion would remain purely filial.

Then I've got this crazy chick named Kodachi after me. She prances around in these leotards that don't leave nothing to the imagination. She shaves. I don't want nothing to do with this chick at all, but if I weren't engaged (multiple times over, no less) and she didn't know where I lived, I'd love to bang her rotten. She's flexible, athletic, willing, in to all sorts of mind altering experiences, and seems like the kind of girl that would give every man the kind of sexual experience he should have at least once in his life.

But the whole psychotic bitch thing's a little much, even for me.

Speaking of psychotic, there's my main fiancée, Akane. Psychotic might be a little strong, but she's got a temper and a hot little bod to match. I know I give her shit about thunder-thighs and small boobs, but honestly, she's got it where it counts. She's ain't got huge knockers, but what she has will stay good looking long after Xian Pu's fun bags have sagged down to her knees. She's in better shape than Ukyou, so she'd probably not get all flabby as she ages, either.

Out of all the girls I know, Akane's the one I'd love to nail the most. (Well, Nabiki comes a close second, but makes sense. They're sisters, after all. Nabiki's a… softer version of Akane. Bigger boobs - and those daisy dukes she wears? Wow.)

Sorry, got off track. The problem with Akane is that she'd kill me if I ever expressed any sort of desire like that to her. Or, she might just take me to her room and tie me down and sex me up. You can never tell with her, though. I know her type, though. She accuses me of being a pervert all the time, but I know she's the one who's really perverted. Of all the girls after me, she'd probably be the kinkiest and best in the sac, once you get past the whole man-hating thing.

She's getting better, though. Just the other day, she walked in on me in the bath. Rather than braining me, like usually, she just kind of stared for a bit and had this grin on her face before turning around and walking out. That look just about did me in. I was hard for hours afterwards, and it was real hard getting out of the tub and into my room without being found.

So I've got this fiancée I'd love to bang, and I'm sure she'd wear me out if we actually ever did it. And since she's so athletic, I'm sure we'd have some really rough, back clawing, shoulder-biting sex.

Man, it would be awesome.

If I wasn't such a good martial artist with control over every single aspect of my body, I'd have a raging stiffy right now. This chick is so hot, and she is all over me all the time. It's hard – well, not at the moment, but sometimes it is.

The problem is, if I even tried anything with anyone of the girls, I'd be deader than dead. I'd be so dead, King Kai-o be'd all like, "Damn, boy, you is dead!" I touch Xian Pu, Akane and Ukyou and Xian Pu's self-proclaimed boyfriend Mousse would be out for blood. I may be good, but eventually they'd win. I touch Ukyou, same deal, only it be Xian Pu, Ku Lon (her Great Grandmother, and super deadly), and Konatsu, Ukyou's secret admirer. I touch Akane? Forget it. I'd end up married and dead within the same two minutes. Ku Lon'd kill me in a heart beat, Xian Pu would hack my body to pieces, and Ukyou'd cook 'em up in an explosive okonomiyaki and shove them down Akane's throat.

Yeah, so sex is out of the picture. It wouldn't be so bad if I could occasionally rub one out, or what ever you'd like to call it. I've heard all sorts of things from the guys at school - spanking the crank, playing the one holed finger flute, floggin' the dolphin, spankin the monkey, having a one man tug of war with Cyclops, wrestling the purple-headed yogurt slinger, frosting the sock, roughing up the suspect, making knuckle babies, the five knuckle shuffle, strangling the weasel, spit-swabbin the pipe…

All fancy ways of saying I'd like to be able to wack off to the images of all the lovely ladies I've got hangin' off me, but knowing my luck, the wrong person would walk in at the wrong time, and again, I'd be dead. I can just imagine it – I'd be doing the deed, minding my own business, when in walks Xian Pu. She'd chuck her clothes in a second, jump on top, then Nabiki or Akane'd find me.

You've had a wonderful life, Ranma. Prepare to die.

So that's my problem – lots of hot women, lots of hormones, and absolutely no safe way to take care of it. I know what my pop'd say about women ("They're a waste of time, boy!"), but it's a whole lot worse to be so distracted by boobs that you keep getting splashed by cold water that would otherwise be easy to avoid.

So how do I make some private time to take care of my… little problem?

Well, believe it or not, Akane actually is the one who helped me figure out what how to deal with the problem. We argue all the time. We start yelling, words start flying, and then pow, out comes the mallet and I go sailing off into the stratosphere.

She used to do it only when she got mad. But recently, she's been doing it when ever one of us gets too horny. I start yelling at her, the her nipples get hard, I notice and I start getting hard, then she glances down and notices my reaction, starts reeking like sex, gives me a small wink before snarling and whipping out the mallet.

I know she's turned on because I can smell it. Something my pop's did to me when I was young – the Cat-Fist, or the Neko-ken. When I get really emotional (mad, scared, horny, whatever), my senses become more acute. Around Akane, I'm always either mad or horny. Funny thing is, so is she.

She's gotten the trajectory down flat. She hits me just hard enough to give me about thirty minutes of flight time with a water landing. That's usually long enough for me to squeeze one out before splaching down. Flying though the air is pretty much completely private, (except for that wierd oni chick that floats around some times, but she's not interested in me. Thankfully). Since I'm already floating in Tokyo Bay, clean up's a snap – no muss, no fuss. Then, it takes me about an hour or so to get home. By the time I'm back, she's usually done too – I come back and she's breathing heavy and smelling pretty musty.

It took me a while to figure out what the smell was, but once I did, I couldn't help but notice it all the time. So Akane plays the clitar while I'm on a one-way ticket to Tokyo Bay, has her orgasm or fourty, and by the time I get back, she's a bit more settled.

It's fucked up, but at least it works for us.

My only fear is that I'm coming to associate pleasure with pain. I'm pretty sure Akane's into domination, anyway.

I told you she'd be the kinky one. Man, all this thinkin' 'bout Akane's got me riled up again. I'm gonna go piss her off to see if she'll send me on a one way trip to the bay. Sometimes she don't just so she can watch me suffer.

That's alright, though – I'll get her back soon enough. After all, I'm Ranma Saotome, and I'm the best. I don't lose.

------

I don't know where the hell this one came from. I was just sitting here itching to write something, and this popped into my head. I was thinking, "how in the hell would Ranma get enough time alone to masturbate if doing so could potentially set off Fiancee World War III? My thoughts are also that Akane would totally resort to violence to satisfy sexual urges.

I'm also thinking about doing a similar vignettes with some other characters that I like. We'll see. This was super fun for me to write, and only took about thirty minutes. There may be future updates!

Enjoy - Comments really welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own these characters, and I don't even know if I'm allowed to post this. I wrote it because I was bored. Plus, I've always wanted to try.

This fic is heavily citrus flavored, heavy on the lime and a lemony fresh scent. That means it contains EXPLICIT sexual content. I say bad things, naughty things. If you need an adult to explain this to you, you shouldn't be reading. Conversely, if you are an adult and this will make your tender little eyes bleed, please, please, please - you better leave right now.

Really.

Stop reading already.

Okay, don't say I didn't warn you…

-------

Private Time: Control

She never meant to take things this far.

Really.

All she wanted to do was put him in a compromising position, take a few quick photos, and viola, she'd have enough blackmail material for years, if not the rest of her life.

But around Ranma, things always got out of control. So here she was, clad only in her school uniform skirt, her shirt bundled up on the floor, hiding in the guest bedroom closet with Ranma, sucking his enormous dick they both struggled to keep quiet simply because you never knew what could happen when Ranma was involved. Sure, Akane was supposed to be eating ice cream with her friends, but Nabiki wasn't about to take any chances. One peep out of Ranma and Akane might poke her head back into the room and investigate the sounds.

She thought about how she got into this position. Well, technically, right now she wasn't really thinking much about anything except the wonderful piece of man meat she was currently devouring. She was no prude – she'd seen a few in her day, and Ranma's was certainly one of the – no scratch that, _the_- finest example of male genitalia she'd ever wrapped her lips around.

Nabiki came up for a breath before recapturing Ranma's length again in her throat. She could feel his thighs quivering under her hands, which made her thighs quiver in response. The smell of sex was overwhelming in closet.

It all came back to money, of course. Mostly, she didn't have enough of it. Nabiki had been running low of money, mostly because of her own actions. After the failed wedding, her revenue stream had dried up. Ranma refused to allow her to take more picture of him or Akane, and had systematically dismantled all the various cameras and microphones she had hidden in the house. He had directly blamed her for the fact that his other fiancées had crashed the wedding throwing bombs. If they hadn't been aiming for him, someone could have been killed.

How was she to know that they would crash the party with lethal force? Regardless, when all was said and done, the gifts from the guests (those she hadn't been forced to return), didn't cover the cost of repairs to the Dojo. Her father, for once, had forced her to cover the costs out of her own finances. That had hurt quite a bit. So, with a large chunk of her working capital missing, she had no way of really raising a large sum of money quickly, and that meant back to small time work until she could become liquid enough to go back to her usual… deals.

While her dad's anger had been bad enough, Ranma's anger towards her had been pretty phenomenal. She'd never seen him hold a grudge or actively dislike anyone. But he held one against her. Ranma refused to talk to her. He began to intimidate her underlings and customers, until people were afraid to deal with her lest they incur the wrath of Ranma.

Frankly, it had been frightening how effective Ranma was at shutting down her operations. However, she learned to recognize another tactical genius, and she had to admit that Ranma was that. He might not know how to use his brain for anything but a fight, but when he was in a fight, he'd do what ever it took to win.

And he was winning. Which led to this situation. She glanced up at Ranma's face as she pulled back, enjoying watching his eyelids flutter as she swirled her tongue around the head of his member a few times before sliding back down.

To make matters worse, Ranma knew how much revenue her "dealings" had brought in to keep the family afloat. To make up the shortfall, he started entering into pit fights and street fighting tournaments. The cash he brought in more than made up for her loss of business, and had the added bonus of establishing Ranma's already growing reputation.

After a few months, Nabiki began to get desperate. She hit upon an epiphany when she caught Ranma and Akane kissing in a closet. She smiled around Ranma's cock when the irony of the situation hit her. It was this closet that she had caught them. She didn't have a camera at the time or she would have taken a picture. Instead, she had threatened to tell the fiancée brigade if Ranma didn't allow her back into business.

Akane had surprised her, though. Nabiki hadn't even seen the blow coming, but the next thing she knew she was on her back, gasping for breath as she clutched her stomach. Her eyes watered from the lack of oxygen. Akane stood over her sister, fists clenched. She reached down and picked Nabiki up by her collar, hauling her effortlessly to her feet until they were at eye level.

Akane looked her sister in the eye, her rage barely contained. "You fucked up my wedding. I still haven't forgiven you for that. If you fuck this up for me because of your petty schemes, what I'll do to you will seem like child's play compared to that love tap."

Akane had dropped her to the ground and stepped over Nabiki, stalking to her room. Ranma just shook his head as Nabiki finally got her breathing under control.

"Nabiki?"

"What do you want, fucktwat?"

Ranma sighed and held up his hands. "I've got enough problems in my life. I'm trying to do the right thing and clean up the mess my old man made of my honor. I like you, but I won't hesitate to stop you if it means I can solve this mess I'm in."

"Fuck you."

"Is that anyway to talk to your future brother-in-law?"

"You don't have the balls to marry Akane. You don't have the balls to make any decisions, Saotome."

He snorted. "That's only true when I get hit with cold water." He reached down and offered her a hand up. She batted it away.

"Don't be pissed at me, Nabiki. You did this to yourself." With that, he turned on and followed Akane to her room. Nabiki noted the time he entered and when he left, and the state of his clothing. She began to formulate a plan.

It had seemed simple enough at the time. Convince Ranma to step into her bedroom or a closet, take off her blouse, throw her arms around him and look passionate, take a picture. Demand he stop ruining her business or she would threaten to show it to Akane. Seemed simple enough, but as she found out, things hadn't quite worked out that way.

It was easy enough to convince Akane's friends to take her out to ice cream and keep her away from home until dark. Genma only needed a little pocket money to take Soun out drinking, and the two of them wouldn't be back until the bars started closing down. Kasumi had been a little trickier, but Nodoka of all people had solved that problem.

When Ranma's mother came over looking for Genma, she had been disappointed to find him gone, of course. But, she dragged Kasumi out of the house with her as well, claiming that if "that lazy bag of panda bones can have a night out, then so can we." No matter how much Kasumi protested, Nodoka wouldn't take no for an answer.

And that left Nabiki home. Alone.

She rushed home from school, scribbled out a little note and left it on his pillow, set up her equipment and stripped down.

Sure enough, Ranma was naïve enough to fall for the trick. The note simply read, "Meet me in the closet. A"

She had watched in anticipation as he smirked and closed the door to the guest bedroom where he stayed and took off his regular silk shirt, leaving on his wife-beater tee and his black kung-fu pants. With a quick look around, he stepped towards the closet and opened the door.

Nabiki waited until he closed the door and the blackness settled in before she pulled him in and wrapped herself around him, capturing his lips as his hands circled her back. He immediately stiffened and tried to pull away.

**Flash**

She smirked at the thought of how that picture would turn out.

"What the FUCK are you doing, Nabiki?" He put his hands on her chest to push her away, but quickly realized she wasn't wearing a shirt. He pulled back like he was burnt.

She smirked as she thought, _You wanted to play dirty, so I'm fighting back. _She stepped forward again and ran her hands over his chest and leaned into him, rubbing her breasts against his stomach. He stepped back until he hit the wall. With no where to go, she was quickly upon him, running her hands over his body and nibbling at his neck.

**Flash**

He groaned.

"You _are_ trying to get me killed, aren't you?"

"Now why would I want to do a thing like that?" She ran her hand down his stomach, stopping suddenly as she felt the… bulge in his pants. Her eyes widened.

"What do you want from me, Nabiki?"

"I want you to stop messing with my business, or I show these little photos to Akane."

Ranma reached over and crushed the camera with one hand.

"Oops." He smile was feral as he brushed bits of crushed electronics off his hands.

"Oops yourself." She pressed closer to him. "The picture's stored electronically, somewhere outside this compound." She bit his ear. "You owe me for the camera, by the way. Game," she slowly licked her way around his neck to the other ear and whispered, "set, and match, asshole." She bit down, drawing a sharp hiss of breath.

He pulled his ear free and cleared his throat. "So um… I'm supposed to let you go back to your little games right?"

She purred, enjoying the sensation as she felt him shiver.

"… You can stop doing that, you know."

Unconsciously, Nabiki had continued to trace her finger tips up and down the length of his cock on the outside of his pants. When she realized what she was doing she drew back a little, taking stock of the situation. She had never meant to go this far. It was supposed to be a quick kiss, picture and out of the closet. So why was she so incredibly turned on?

"What if I don't want to stop, Ranma?" Leaning in, she bit his shoulder, hard. He flinched but didn't call out.

"I want you to stop, Nabiki."

"No." Rather than stopping, she put her hands inside the waist band of his pants, fondling his manhood with her fingers, tracing up and down his length with her fingernails. She smirked in amusement as he hissed in pleasure, squirming at the same time as he looked for some avenue of escape that didn't put him in an even more precarious position.

Because it was about control. She loved the fact that right now, she had power over Ranma that he couldn't fight. She knew it, he knew it. And it was making her hornier than she'd ever been. She removed one hand and twisted his nipple through his tank-top.

She placed her hand back, squeezing a little more firmly than before. "I want you to beg, Saotome."

Even in the dark, she could see his eyes widen.

"What's the matter, Saotome? Cat got your tounge?"

He laughed nervously.

"Nabiki, please…" He almost whimpered.

"Please what, Saotome?"

"Please…"

She didn't know why the words came to her, but they did. "Please keep going?" With that she hooked her thumbs into his waist band and pulled down, sinking to her knees and freeing his member as she slid his pants to his ankles. The sight that greeted her was intimidating. He was big. Very big, with a lot of girth.

And he was right at her eye level.

She tentatively reached up and wrapped one hand around him. Her finger tips could barely touch.

He muttered, "No… Please…"

She smiled up at him, rubbing his member against her cheek. "Please what?"

"Don't do this, Nabiki. Please."

"Why?"

He closed his eyes. "I love Akane. You'll kill her if she finds out."

"Then you better keep this quiet, hmm?" With that, she licked the underside of his shaft, working her way up to the head as she took him into her mouth.

He groaned. Excited by the sounds, Nabiki slowly worked her way down, taking a little bit in at a time and withdrawing, only to take a little bit more a few seconds later.

Nabiki pulled her lips back to the head of his penis, licking the underside before recapturing him, sliding down his shaft and taking as much of him into her throat as she could before her gag reflex kicked in. He was a horse in every sense of the word – she doubted she'd ever fit the whole thing in, but damned if she wouldn't try. She ran her hands up his bear thighs, wrapping one hand around the base and the other around his balls, massaging them as she bobbed up and down, increasing the pace.

Ranma's breathing sped up, and she could feel his testicles contract.

He whispered, "Nabiki…"

She didn't let up, intent on finishing this and getting the hell out of here before anyone came home and they were discovered. The contraction in his balls then turned to a twitching. She could feel his shaft grow larger, and soon it started to pulse. She pulled completely away to look him in the eyes just as he started to orgasm, pumping him with her hands as she watched his face. Surprisingly, he was watching her as well. The first splash splattered against her lips and hit the wall behind her. She quickly swallowed him again, intent on not wasting any more than that first initial burst. She swallowed as fast as possible, but it was too much; some leaked out around her lips stretched over his shaft to dribble down her chin and onto her naked chest.

When the convulsions stopped, she gently milked his softening shaft, using her free hand to smear the dripped semen across her chest. Ranma just stared at her. She watched in fascination as his cock started to twitch again, on it's way to becoming hard once again.

She kissed the head of his penis and stood up, wiping her lips on his tank top before bending down and picking up her shirt, which she pulled on with casual ease. Reaching down to give him one more squeeze, she stood on her toes and kissed him once on the lips. "We'll talk later, Ranma."

Before she left, she was gave Ranma a satisfied smirk as he collapsed in the closet and scrubbed angrily at the tears that were working his way down his face. Nabiki almost felt pity for him. She could understand what he must feel - for the first time in his life, things were going well and then this. Why did this shit happen to him?

She ruffled the hair on his head before opening the closet door. "If you can keep this a secret, she'll never find out from me, Ranma." She stepped outside and turned around, giving him a confident smirk. "I told you not to fuck with me, Saotome." She closed the door on him, leaving him in the dark. She headed down stairs, intent on taking a bath.

The closet doors burst open.

Ranma was standing there, his aura burning brightly as he stared at her with a look of undisguised hatred on his face.

"I." He stepped out of the closet, kicking his pants away. "Am." She glanced down and gulped. Ranma was apparently ready to go again. "NOT." He flashed forward and grabbed her hand, twisting her arm behind her back. "DONE FUCKING WITH YOU YET!" with his free hand, he pushed on her back, forcing her to bend over. He switched hands, so his left hand was holding her right wrist twisted behind her back, applying enough pressure so that she had to stand on her toes to avoid ripping her shoulder.

She had absolutely no leverage, no way to get out of the hold without hurting herself in the process. She tried to squirm to dislodge him. She froze. She could feel his fingers probing at her entrance.

She heard a dark chuckle from behind her. The fingers didn't stop, but rather spread her sex, as he expertly manipulated her with his hand. The dark chuckle came again as she unconsciously tried to push back against his hand, but couldn't due to the awkward position she was currently in.

"Saotome…" she growled. "If you don't stop this right, I will make your life hell." Her own voice surprised her. She was trying to sound angry, but it only came out as… lustful.

"Seems like you want this, Nabiki." The fingers probed deeper. Her thighs and calves were quivering, partly from the strain of the position, and partly with desire as she could feel release coming. "Besides, you've already fucked me over. I might as well repay the favor."

"Saotome…" Her voice caught. She was scared and thrilled at the same time. Control. He could do what ever he wanted, and she couldn't stop him. She didn't want to stop him. She wanted him to use her like she always dreamed, taking what he wanted.

"Having a woman's body is useful at times, wouldn't you agree, Nabiki?" She gasped as he found her clitoris with his thumb, sending shooting pleasure throughout her sex.

"Please, Saotome…" Her desires were conflicted. She wanted out of this situation, but wanted him to keep going. The quivering in her legs became more pronounced as she started to gently rub her clitoris, working it in smooth circles as his fingers continued their exploration.

His angry chuckle sent shivers down her spine. "Please what, Nabiki?"

"Please…" She couldn't stand this.

She felt him shift his weight as he leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Remember what you said in the closet?"

She shook her head frantically. She gasped as he bit her ear roughly.

"I think you said, 'I want you to beg.'" His fingers moved a bit faster. "Are you ready to beg, Nabiki?"

She hated herself for it, but was relieved at the same time when she nodded frantically at his question.

"Did you say something, Nabiki? I couldn't hear it."

"Please!!"

"Please what, Nabiki? I want you to say it."

She was panting as he expertly kept her at the edge of orgasm, using only his fingers and his breath as he whispered in her ear. "What is it you want, Nabiki?" She could hear the amusement in his voice. He knew he was in control here, and that made it even more erotic for her.

"Please…" she whispered. "Please… don't… stop."

But he did. She let out a frustrated groan that was soon replaced by a gasp of pleasure as she felt his fingers replaced by his tool. She groaned as she felt him push inside. He released his hold on her arm and grabbed her hips with both hands and with a single stroke buried his shaft home.

No longer forced on her toes, Nabiki pushed back as hard as she could, trying to recapture the closeness. Soon she was back riding the edge, and with one final push she…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Nabiki shot awake, gasping for breath. Confused, she looked at her alarm clock, desperately trying to make sense of the numbers she saw on the face. It took a while for the numbers to penetrate her sleep addled brain, but when they finally did, she realized it was morning.

Early morning, at that. She shifted in the bed, pausing as she noticed an uncomfortable level of dampness in her crotch.

Wait… A dream? With a sigh of relief, she sank back into the bed. What a way to wake up. No need to waste this feeling, though. With a smirk, she reached into her nightstand to find her favorite Hello Kitty accessory.

Hey, even the Ice Queen had her needs. Even though she'd never touch her sister's fiancée, she was of the Anything Goes philosophy. Using his body in her own little fantasies was completely fair. A few battery assisted minutes later, she relaxed against the bed as the residual pulses of her orgasm faded. With a languid sigh, she cleaned the tool on her tee shirt and reflected on how particularly intense that dream was.

She squinted at the clock. She still had twenty minutes till she needed to get up, anyway. Rolling over, she fell gratefully back to sleep, sleeping on the edge to avoid the wet spot.

--------

This is about as lemony fresh as I ever want to get. While it was fun to write, I'm afraid someone's gonna get pissy about it. By the way - violence against women is never, ever, ever cool. If consenting adults wish to engage in violent bedroom behavior in a situation where it is controlled, safe, and most importantly, consensual, that's their business. I never condone violence against women in any way, shape, or form.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own these characters.

Blah blah blah. More fun!

---

Private Time: What a princess wants, a princess gets...

Hinako Ninomiya knew what she liked. Trapped eternally between two forms, she couldn't really get it nearly often enough, as few men were willing to do it with her in her girl form, and she couldn't reliably stay in her adult form long enough to set the stage properly.

Not that she could really blame anyone for not wanting to do it with her childish form. Not only would it be embarrassing, but it was entirely too easy for it painful and bring about the kind of criticism and scrutiny that few people had the strength of will to withstand. Part of what made it so good was that it was a _public_ spectacle. The fact that people could watch her really made it that much more exciting. She loved the looks of jealousy happened when people witnessed it – the longing, the hidden desire, the shock.

Having lived as a child for so long, her adult form was a bit… voyeuristic.

The problem was that she _looked_ like a child, and few people would understand. Her problem was not normal, and that was the root of the situation. Society was not ready or accepting enough to allow a man and a person who looked like a child engage in this sort of behavior. So what if she really was an adult? The difficult questions would start, and the passion of the moment would be lost, then all the enjoyment would be lost as you couldn't very well start up again after having to deal with the inquisition that always came.

As an adult, it wasn't really a problem to get a willing partner. Men practically threw themselves on her, and all she had to do was give the nod. But, unfortunately, few men had the sort of battle auras that Ranma or Soun could project, meaning that if she drained her "date" to stay an adult, that was effectively the end of the date. It was immensely unsatisfying to get started with a partner, only to switch halfway through, then drain her date and be left frustrated for the rest of the night.

Ranma wasn't an option, either. Even if he indicated he was interested, she was his teacher and couldn't in good conscious even consider it. It was a moot point anyway, because he had no desire to do anything with her. She completely understood, the boy had way too many women problems as it were, and frankly, he was much too immature for her at this point in her life.

That left her with her friends. She didn't have any male friends, as her _age _problem made it difficult to meet the ones she'd like. Her female friends from the university were now scattered all over Japan, and she hadn't made and close friends in Nerima yet. That left her with her female students. She had less compunction about it with her female students, but she didn't want to cross that line yet unless she got really desperate.

She'd done it with girls before, but that wasn't nearly as satisfying. Still, she could take what she could get. Usually, girls were more than willing to go along with it, because, well, it was damn enjoyable. Akane, in particular, looked like the kind of girl who looked like she'd enjoy it, particularly if she could get past the embarrassment. Ranma, too, come to think of it. And it wouldn't take much to get her over the embarrassment factor, either.

Ranma seemed like the kind of person who'd be willing to go along with it. Half of it involved the right setting – the right music, the right clothes, the right lighting…

She sighed. Who was she kidding? She was going to be doomed to do this alone for the rest of her life, or until she could get someone with enough martial arts training to reverse what Happosai had done to her. Ranma had tried but gave up when he found out what in entailed. She didn't blame him.

So that brought her back to her problem. In her child form, she could do this as often as she wanted and nobody would criticize her for it. Sure, there might be a few sticks in the mud that would suck their teeth and criticize her for her actions, but for the most part people would just shake their heads. They might say it was improper, but it was a natural part of growing up. Most people did it in private, though. Also, they would admonish her that she should be careful lest she become an addict.

But in her adult form? She could see the stares, and practically see what the people would think of her if she indulged as often as she wanted. The eyes would follow her, accusing, disdainful, shamed that an adult had so little will power to control her self, so willing to make a public spectacle of herself like that. It was not what a proper Japanese woman would do.

She scoffed. She had never been proper, anyway. To hell with them.

She had thought that with Soun Tendo she might finally manage to have what she wanted – a family, love, a partner willing to indulge her little desires. But in the end she wasn't able to overcome Soun's love for his wife.

How do you compete with perfection? She knew she couldn't, but still she hoped and dreamed that one day Soun would see her as more than a dedicated teacher, but rather as the attractive woman he admitted that she was. Still, it hurt to know that your happiness depended entirely on the whims of another, someone who you loved and wished to be with but couldn't because of a strange combination of selfish devotion to the past and selfless devotion to his daughters.

Just thinking about it got her depressed, which made her want to indulge in her little creature comforts even more. With a sigh, she loosened her belt and her jeans button, and untucked her shirt. It created a bit more room and made it easier to disguise her actions. Her heart started to beat a little harder and her palms sweated as her body prepared for what was to come.

She wiggled excitedly in her seat. Often, the anticipation was almost as good as the event itself. A small smile graced her face as she saw the waiter approaching her table, carefully balancing the massive confectionary creation on his tray as he placed her dessert before her.

She giggled at the waiter as he gave her a bemused look and left without a word. Gazing down adoringly at her fourteen scoop ice cream sundae with extra hot fudge, brownies, nuts, whipped cream and nuts, she pulled out the spoon and dug in with gusto. She looked wistfully at the empty chair next to her.

Maybe one day… Maybe one day Soun could share this with her? Actually, Soun would have to get his own. This one was _hers_!

There was no use pining, though. That ice cream wouldn't eat itself.

-----

What? You thought this was about sex? You perverts! Can't a girl enjoy a good bowl of ice cream without you perv's thinking dirty thoughts? And with that out there, I'm willing to entertain other characters - submit a review about which characters you'd like me to explore for this story. I might even be influenced to incorporate ideas, but I am definitely going to make it my own story. :)

These are fun to write. The second chapter was more of a fluke than anything else, I think. I'm not sure I'll do any more like that. Don't want to get in trouble. 


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own these characters, of course. I got the inspiration from this chapter from a piece of music featuring trombones. See the song at the end.

-----

"My Loves! Pig-tailed goddess! My fierce tigress! My..."

Ophhh.

I didn't get to finish declaring my eternal devotion because the air was driven from my lungs most violently as my pig-tailed goddess caressed my diaphragm with her elbow as my fierce tigress playfully patted me on the head with her mallet. Unfortunately, I was not able to enclose them in the tender gesture of affection they so desperately sought jumping as they jumped into my arms to shower me with their affection. It is strange. Their enthusiasm knew no bounds, as they daily seek my gentle ministrations, but yet hesitate to jump back into my arms after the first initial contact.

I sank to the ground, gracefully, of course, taking deep gasps of breath in a manner dignified for the noble scion of the Kuno clan. Oh, the sweet innocence and conflicted emotions that must torment my loves. Even after nearly two years, loves, the red-headed pig-tailed goddess and most fierce tigress Akane, were still shy proclaiming their affection for me. Until they were able to overcome the shyness inherent in all maidens of such fiery nature, I must be content to wait until tomorrow and continue to show my devotion.

The warning bell rang for school. Zounds! Agony! Oh cruel fate! My loves would be late if I allowed them not to leave me in order to prevent their punishment. They seemed to understand my struggles, turning as a unit and running into the school. So focused on their goal they did not turn back to gaze upon me as they entered the school. My heart soared.

Ah, my goddess. How your form smites mine eyes! My tigress! How your graceful and powerful nature stirs my loins!

Loins stirred or not, however, I was left alone as they respectfully withdrew to allow my augustness' vision to return to normal. The dancing lights and flickering spots that are part and parcel of oxygen deprivation have surely inspired poets before.

I contemplated the nature of love until my legs were steady enough to support my carriage.

"Why do you keep trying, Kuno-baby?"

I blinked a few times, my vision still blurry from pondering the cruelty of fate that kept me from my loves.

"What meanest thou, fair Nabiki?"

Nabiki sighed and bent over, reaching forward and grabbing one sleeve of my kendo uniform and pulling me to my feet. For such a frail waif, she is surprisingly strong. I did not protest as she slung the arm over her shoulder, supporting me with her body as we walked towards the nurses office. Curiosity. Usually, my mornings started in front of the school, and there was a lost period of time I could never recall before restarting my day in the office of the kindly school nurse.

I must remember to bring the poor woman some flowers. She always seemed so overworked when I visited every morning.

"I mean," Nabiki grunted, shifting my arm so that she could step closer, "that you should realize by now you won't win them over this way." She wrapped her other arm around my waist, grabbing the tie of my hakama and pulled up, pulling my hips onto hers.

It was a little easier to walk this way now that more of my weight was being supported by her. My knees were still weak from the overwhelming sight of my beauties leaping at me in tandem.

"Then, pray tell, how should I win over my loves?"

"Must you ask?" She arched an eyebrow at me.

"If you knowest a better way, Tendo, then I beseach you to divulge it forthwit."

That smirk appeared on her face. Damnation. Whenever that smirk appeared, it meant that I was soon to be short of some of my considerable financial assets, or otherwise confused and confounded.

"Tell you what, Kuno-chan. Why don't you invite me over for tea tonight, and I'll tell you what I think you should do."

"Will this cost me much?"

A flat stare.

"I apologize. Of course it will." My strength seemed to be returning, but my head was still dazzled by the visions of loveliness I had witnessed. "Then, would you like to come over to my residence for tea tonight?"

She nodded. "Prepare a guest room for me, because this will take a long time."

I opened my mouth to protest. She shot me a warning glare.

Sometimes even poets know that it is best to contemplate and reflect.

She nodded. "Good. You're learning." With her free hand, she straightened my garments, casually straitening the collar of my gi as she brushed some dirt of the lapel. "Maybe you might turn into something, after all."

I started to laugh, but had to stop as it made my vision fade again. "Ow."

This time, she laughed. "Don't change, Kuno-baby." She patted the hand wrapped around her shoulder and allowed me to escort her to the nurse's office.

---

Dinner that night at my residence was a quite affair. Sasuke was preparing the repast and retreated. My sister was off chasing down some miscreant who had slurred the Kuno name. It might have been my father.

I met Nabiki at the front door as Sasuke was currently busy with the meal. When I opened the door, she glanced at me up and down, a slight frown marring her brow.

"You're eating dinner in that?" She pointed at me with her pen.

"What do you mean? This is my traditional garb."

"It's your kendo uniform." Her nose wrinkled. "And it stinks. I am not eating dinner with you if you're wearing that. Go shower and change."

"But…"

"No buts, Kuno-baby. You asked for my help. Go change. I'll just be taking some notes while you shower." She tapped a portfolio pad under her arm as she looked at me.

"Very well. I shall return quickly."

"Wear something presentable, too. No kimonos."

I stopped, ready to protest.

Her arched eyebrow was enough. Nodding, I went to clean up.

When I came to the dining table a quarter hour later, Nabiki was sitting across from my place, ignoring the place setting in front of her as she quietly wrote down notes on a pad of paper with right hand. She stood as I entered, taking in my appearance. I had changed into a simple button down shirt and well-tailored pants.

"Well, you clean up alright, at least." She made a spinning motion with her finger. "Twirl, please."

"Why must I debase myself so on your word, woman?"

Her face went flat. She picked up her pad from the table, and without a word, turned to leave.

"Wait!" I reached out and grabbed her hand. She didn't look back, but the tilt of her head convinced me to drop her wrist quickly.

"Will you do what I ask and not ask questions?"

I nodded.

"I'm not looking at you, so I need verbal acknowledgement, Kuno-baby."

"Yes. I will…" I swallowed. "I will do as you ask, Nabiki Tendo."

"Great!" Acting not the least bit upset, she spun quickly. She reached out and straightened out my shirt, lightly brushing her hands over my shoulders and down my sleeves. "I suppose this will do for now. Much better than your kendo gear, that's for certain."

She brushed by me and went to the table.

"What's tonight's menu, Kuno-baby?"

Given no choice, I joined her. "A simple traditional meal, Nabiki. Some tsukemono, a miso soup, chirashi-zushi, and a delicacy imported from Hawaii."

"Pineapple?"

"No, actually. It's mangos, for once."

She looked mildly surprised. "Well, that's a relief. I'm much fonder of mangos, truth be told."

I have never shared a dinner with Nabiki. Well, not in my residence. I've treated her to many an expensive meal, often at her behest. However, this was the first meal in my residence, and I found myself surprisingly intrigued. Once she put the pad away, she had surprisingly excellent table manners, and she seemed to be evaluating every aspect of the meal closely. It must have been to her liking, because she nodded briefly after tasting the first course.

"I'm surprised that a commoner like yourself has the graces to dine with such a noble personage."

Nabiki smirked. "My family goes back very far, Kuno. We were noble once, too. My ancestors gave it up before the Meiji Restoration, because they saw the reality of the world."

This surprised me. "Oh? From where does your clan come?"

Nabiki delicately sipped her soup, her eyes not leaving mine. "Oh, we go way back. We were a branch of the Minamoto before they were exiled by the Taira."

My surprise was even deeper. "Truly?"

She nodded and winked. "Yeap." She put her soup down. Again, gracefully. "Where do you think the land grant for our dojo comes from? There's no way we could afford the taxes on that much property without some sort of extraordinary reason, don't you think?"

"What do you know of the tale, Nabiki?"

Nabiki shook her head. "Kuno-baby." She took a breath. "The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind."

Kuno gaped at her. He cleared his throat. "Ah… I see you know the tale well."

"Indeed. You'd be surprised what I know, Kuno-baby."

"Then I shall test you, Nabiki Tendo." Dinner forgotten, Kuno stood.

"Brief was your message;  
"I shall come anon." You said;  
And for those few words  
I've waited through this long October night  
The late rising of the waning moon."

"Oh please," she snorted, "Sosei Hoshi, one of the thrity-six immortal poets selected by Fujiwara no Kinto during the Heian Period. Want to try again?"

Dinner passed quickly.

----

"Show me your room."

"Nabiki, I don't think that would be appropriate."

"Look." She gave me that gaze again. "You agreed to do what I asked, right? Remember, I'm doing this to help with your loves?"

"Most verily, but…"

"That wasn't a request, Kuno-baby. Show me your room."

I nodded. "We will leave the dishes. My manservant will clean this place anon."

"Anon, huh?" She laughed softly and reached across the table to pat my hand. "Sometimes you're too cute for your own good, Kuno-baby."

I frowned at my hand. The soft touch from her fingers seemed to linger long after she had withdrawn her hands. I couldn't help but notice how elegant her fingers were as she wrote out more notes on her pad, not paying me attention. Her hair fell in front of her face.

Maybe she felt me staring, but she looked up into my eyes again with a cocked eyebrow. "Well? Your room?"

I blushed lightly. "Ah…" I stood. "Yes. Follow me, then."

We walked down the halls in silence. When I got to my room, I threw open the sliding doors and stepped inside.

Nabiki stood at the entrance, shaking her head. "Oh Kuno-baby…" She walked in, carefully noting every picture of my loves on the walls. "Be a dear and take a seat, why don't you?" She reached up and softly pushed me to the ground. She said nothing further as she carefully walked around the room, the scratching of her pen on her pad of paper the only sound in the room besides the soft sound of her sock clad feet.

With nothing better to do, I simply watched her walk around the room. She did not wear those ugly long socks that many girls in my esteemed hall of education seemed to favor, and the short socks only served to make her shapely legs seem even longer. Her skirt was of normal length, but as she walked around the room, I was able to secure brief glimpses of the back of her thighs.

Something about her legs was making me feel agitated in a way I couldn't adequately describe. I cleared my throat.

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. She walked over to where I was sitting with my legs tucked under me, giving me a brief pat on the shoulder. "I'm almost done, Kuno-baby. Just be good."

Rather than stare at her legs, I chose to close my eyes and think to our dinner conversation. Who knew that Nabiki was so well versed in the classics?

Her inventory was finished. I opened my eyes as I heard her come to a stop in front of me. She stood in front of me again, shaking her head. "Alright, Kuno-baby. This may be pointless, but…" She glanced around the room again, letting out a put upon sigh. "The things I do for you. I hope you appreciate this."

I bowed slightly from my seated position on the floor. "I truly appreciate your assistance in this matter. None that I know would be so willing."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Alright. Stand up."

I did as asked.

"First," she took her right arm and swept it around the room. "You will take every picture off the walls."

"WHAT!"

Nabiki held up a single finger. "One." She said in a calm voice.

"One what?"

"That's one outburst. If we get to three, I'm leaving. I'll send you my bill later. You won't like it, I promise."

I swallowed. "Fine." I was upset, but not willing to risk her mercenary temper. It was a cold anger, much more dangerous than the fiery passions of my fierce tigress or pig-tailed goddess.

"I'll explain the reasons this time, but I won't again. Understand?"

I nodded.

"Nobody likes someone obsessed with them. Your loves want to be approached and treated like normal girls, Kuno-baby. The first thing we need to do is cure you of your obsession. You will remove these pictures. You can keep them, destroy them, I don't care. They will be out of your room before I leave her tonight, however."

She said nothing further, merely watching my face. With a resigned sigh, I walked to the nearest wall and removed the smallest picture of my pigtailed goddess. It felt like taking a full strength blow with a practice sword to the heart. Each subsequent picture was even harder. I nearly lost my resolve when it came time to remove the blown up pictures from their rightful places.

Nabiki waited patiently in the middle of the room, simply watching me and offering encouragement.

With a sob, I removed the portraits and put them out in the hallway with the rest of the pictures, as Nabiki suggested. My room was… spare… without the decorations. Once my emotional upheaval subsided, however, I felt better.

Nabiki glanced down at her pad. "Alright." She let out an audible sigh. "This part's going to be a little awkward, but you need the help." She cocked her head. "Where's Sasuke?"

I pursed my lips. "I imagine he's watching my room through the peepholes in the ceiling, as normal."

Nabiki rolled her eyes and muttered something I didn't quite catch. "Tell him to get lost. He's not to come in here for a bit, okay?"

I nodded, clearly confused. "Sasuke!" I bellowed.

The diminutive ninja popped into existence instantly, kneeling at my feet as was his rightful place.

"Be gone. I am not to be disturbed for the rest of the night."

With a cry of acknowledgement, the ninja vanished in a small puff of smoke. Nabiki coughed slightly, irritated. She glanced down at her pad again, seeming nervous for some reason. Her steel returned instantly, leaving me to wonder if I had actually glimpsed nervousness in the first place.

"Alright." She stepped up close to me, facing me. "Now, this next part might be uncomfortable at first, but I need you to promise to be professional about it, okay? Remember, I'm doing this to help you."

I nodded. "I will do as you ask."

"Alright. I want you to hold me as if I were your pig-tailed goddess or Akane."

My eyes narrowed. "What manner of travesty is this, Nabiki Tendo?"

"Two!" Her eyes flashed in anger as she held up two fingers on her right hand. "I'm trying to help you and you're going to give me this kind of crap? Do you think I want you pawing me like I was your pig-tailed goddess or my sister? Please." Her last word was delivered with such scorn that I was cut to the quick. Her eyes softened a bit, but not much. "Look, just pretend I'm one of them and hold me like you would either one of them on a first date."

Nodding at her, I pretended my fierce tigress was standing in front of me, and swept her off her feet and into my bosom.

"ACK!" Nabiki struggled. "NO!"

I released her quickly.

She winced as she rubbed a hand on the back of her neck. "Christ, you oaf. Gently. Try again."

I tentatively reached my arms around her and pulled Nabiki to my chest again.

I could practically feel her eyes rolling in her next statement. "What am I, a piece of garbage? Act like you want to be holding me."

My nostrils flared. Fine. If Nabiki wanted me to pretend she was the object of my affections, I would do as she asked. Resolved, I swept my right arm under her legs and picked her up, carrying her bridal style as held her strongly against my chest.

"Mmm…" She lightly played with my collar with the hand not wrapped around my neck. When had that happened. "Better. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

I blinked.

"Alright, don't just stand there. What do you do next?"

I blinked again. "Next? What do you mean?"

Nabiki rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. "You are so dense. Okay, you've got the girl of your dreams in your arms, alone in your room, and she's willing. What do you do next?"

My impulse was to open my mouth and rebuke her presumptions when her eyes flashed heatedly as she looked at me. "Think very, very carefully about what you say next, Kuno."

I stopped and considered my situation. Really thought about it. I was holding Nabiki in my arms, alone in my room. Judging from her posture, she did not seem to be disagreeable with the position. In fact, judging from the closeness of her face to mine…

I nearly dropped her when her fingers intertwined with the back of my hair and pulled me forward for a gentle kiss. She didn't come up for air for quite a while. When she did, I groaned with frustration.

"Maybe we should get a little more comfortable." Her eyes flickered to my futon.

"Nabiki… I don't think that…"

She shook her head. "Kuno-baby, what have I told you about thinking?"

I tried to think. She was currently tracing her fingers along my jaw and neckline, distracting me greatly. "I… can't think right now, Nabiki."

"Good. It's a start, at least." Her eyes flickered to the futon again. "Well?" There was a clear hint of impatience in her voice.

"Nabiki…"

"Don't think, Kuno." She started fiddling with the buttons on my shirt. She traced some gentle kisses along my neck to my collar bone.

I groaned.

----

I groaned as I sat up, head spinning. I looked around desperately seeking Nabiki. She was seated on the nearest bed, reading a magazine as I took in my surroundings.

The nurse's office.

"Nabiki Tendo…" My voice cracked.

Without looking, she handed me a glass of water, still intent on her magazine. My eyes were drawn of there own accord to her slender legs, so elegantly crossed as she sat perched on the edge of the bed.

"Did you enjoy dinner?" I asked.

She stopped reading and frowned at me. "Wow, they must have hit you harder than normal today."

I frowned, failing to comprehend. "What do you mean? Did we not have dinner together last night? Did we not..."

Nabiki snorted and patted his head. "Just because you amuse me so much, Kuno-baby, I'm not even going to charge you this time." She got up to leave.

"Wait!" I reached up to grab her hand at the wrist. Her eyes shot down and I instantly let go as if I had grabbed a hot iron. "How long have I been out?"

"Only about fifteen minutes." She shook her head, mirth still clearly evident. She waved a bit before turning to go. "Don't be too late to class. I'll tell the teacher you're up now." She stepped out. "See you in class, Kuno. It's one of your favorite subjects - Sosei Hoshi."

I looked up at her in confusion. "Why doth that name sound so familiar?"

Nabiki smirked. "Poet? Wrote this poem?

Brief was your message;  
"I shall come anon." You said;  
And for those few words  
I've waited through this long October night  
The late rising of the waning moon."

Seeing my blank look, Nabiki shrugged and walked away. "Later, Kuno-baby!"

I sank back onto the cot in despair. Curses!

------

So, I was listening to some music, and this great song comes up randomly. It's basically just a trumbone piece, perfect for that sort fantasy occurance. Kuno's delusional, but then again, maybe this really happened. It just fit so well, I had to write this. I find more and more of my inspiration for this piece to be coming from music - it's self contained, lends itself to characters, etc.

/shrug.

Here are the lyrics.

I wanna be seduced,

Let a woman talk to me suggestively;

Wanna know that she'd like me to be with her tomorrow morning

Drinkin' hot jasmine tea.

I want her to make me laugh (ha ha ha),

Make a point about touching me when she talks (uhhmm ho ho hmm),

Leaving all the jealous guys in the place to

mumble in their wine and gawk.

I know it only happens when I'm napping,

Nodding in a reverie,

That I find myself a woman that understands about seducing me.

I know it only happens when I'm napping,

Nodding in a reverie,

That I find myself a woman who understands about seducing,

I'll dream about the moon until she'll introduce herself,

I'm imagining a woman who understands seducing me.

I want to be seduced, I want a woman to take me out to dinner for two

I want to see her eyes gettin' moody,

Flirtin' with the thought of what flirtin' can lead to

I want to act real cool, have her think about gettin' little me in bed

Have a chat about Magna Charta, or Puerto Vallarta, or somethin' Gandhi said 

I might demur politely, falter slightly, if she starts to fondle my knee,

But I'm relatively certain I'd compromise if I know me

I want to be seduced, I want a wom-an to talk to me suggestively

I want to hear her say she'll be with me tomorrow morning,

Drinking hot jasmine tea

I want her to make me laugh, make a point of touching me when she talks

Leaving all the jealous guys in the joint to mumble in their beer and gawk

I wanna be seduced,

I wanna a woman to take me out to dinner for two;

I'd like to see her eyes get moony

Flirting with the thought of what a little flirting outta to do.

I'd like to be real cool

Let her figure out what I really mean, instead

of havin' a chat about African genesis, psychokinesis

or something Stanislavsky said.

I might demure politely,

Or falter slightly

If she tries to fondle my knee,

But I'm relatively certain that I'd come across if I know me.

I know it only happens, when I'm napping, nodding in my reverie

That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing me

I know it only happens, when I'm napping, nodding in my reverie

That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing

Starting from the moment that we'd been introduced

That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing me


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own the characters.

* * *

Private Time: Hikari Gosunkugi

Every morning the train ride to school is the same. Salary men linger on the train platforms, sipping energy drinks with one hand, holding a newspapers in the other, checking on the results of the morning races frantically as they edge forward as the morning express to Shinjuku arrives.

When the train arrives, they rush forward en mass, clamoring, packing themselves onto the train, trying to read their newspapers as they push against the crush of bodies, the newspaper jammed against their chest as they struggle to maintain their balance, their carefully ironed dress shirts becoming as wrinkled as their faces, the harsh morning light doing nothing to hid the dark bags under their eyes.

Every morning it is the same. They wake up bright and early, race to the train as the wife gets the one or two children ready for the daily rat race. The same faces, the same familiar, tired, worn out faces, every day, each person standing in their favorite spot, rushing forward to find a spot on the train, rush rush rush, only to repeat it the next morning, rush rush rush, all to go no where. The same, expressionless faces every morning.

Not that I'm any different. I'm heading in the other direction, on my way to school. My eyes have the same bags under then. I'm just another student, a blank face, an expressionless face in the crowd. I'm practically unknown at school, so unobtrusive I blend into the background, invisible unless I've offended.

Is this what I have to look forward to? To be just another hamster in a wheel, running aimlessly in circles, only getting off to eat and sleep? To work my entire life at something that holds no promise, where the best dreams I can hope for is that this miserable existence would end?

I never need to find time alone for myself. All my time is alone. It's enough to make me want to crawl into my own sorrow and drown. It's sad, really. I live in a world of millions of people, but I just wind my way through the day, lost in the sea of humanity, alone even though I'm surrounded by classmates and teachers.

Even in class I'm invisible. Akane hardly knows I exist. The only time she acknowledges me is when I'm taking photos of her, and her acknowledgement is usually just anger. Ranma knows I exist, but it's usually because I'm taking pictures of Akane. He doesn't mind terribly, but he never really forgot about me after that whole incident with the cats in the gymnasium. He didn't forget, but then again, he doesn't seem to care, either.

I'm nervous at school. I sit and listen, a model student, quiet, unobtrusive, meek. So meek, my teachers forget I'm there. They tend to look right through me, even when I stand in front of them, almost as if their eyes wanted to slide away because they couldn't accept that I am physically present.

I long ago stopped raising my hand in class, because the teachers never called on me. I used to do it just to remind the teachers I exist. Their reaction was always surprise, followed by confusion. Confusion would give away to acceptance, and quickly return to forgetfulness when I approach them.

Not that my parents are any better. My dad always seems slightly shocked every morning when I come down to breakfast, like I was a figment of his imagination that never went away. My mother always in from the kitchen, carrying the rice cooker and some plates, only to come to a complete stop at the threshold to the dining room, blinking at me a couple times when she first sees in the morning.

Her first words are always, "Oh, Hikaru." Then she'll pause, just long enough to blink once or twice. "Good morning." For as long as I can remember, those words are her standard morning greeting. She'll smile or say something afterwards, but she must first shake herself out of a stupor, like she's struggling to remember something important that's buried below the surface of her mind. When she does, she blinks, remembering that it wasn't that important, after all, and with the equivalent of a mental shrug, says, "Oh, Hikaru."

Good morning indeed, mother.

My daytime life, to put it mildly, sucks.

Which is why the night time is so important to me.

I know I'm not exactly a handsome guy. I'm short, scrawny, wimpy, and pale, with greasy hair and a sallow complexion. Some might think that the reason I look so drawn out is that I can't sleep.

I sleep just fine. I just don't get enough sleep. You see, when night falls I go to where I can be more than just a part of the crowd. I go to where I'm wanted, to where people know and acknowledge me, even if they don't know my name.

When I walk in the door, the sound of the music takes over, and people turn to watch me. I have a name, there. No one blinks at me and says, "Oh. Hikaru." People smile, open their arms, offer me a bottle of water, and draw me into the writing mass of humanity.

They call me Voodoo man.

I discovered the rave clubs by accident one night, back when I was first starting junior high. It was my birthday. Nobody in class had even bothered to ask when I was born, so of course nobody wished me a happy birthday. Class went on like normal. My parents had said happy birthday over breakfast, given me a present, and went on with their lives.

For what ever reason, on that particular occasion I couldn't stand the thought of going home. After school, I went down to the a place I had overheard some of my classmates talking about, a dark place where there were occult shops, teenagers misbehaving, and adults behaving even worse.

I stepped off the train into a neon-lit district full of fortune tellers, high school girls in short dresses, and music coming from underground clubs. I wandered around for hours, taking in the sights, the people. I followed a group of giggling girls into an occult shop.

I bought my first hammer that day. And a robe, along with the head band to hold some candles.

They were impulse purchases. I intended to go home, eager to try out my new 'toys,' when I heard voices coming from the dressing room. Giggling. I heard hushed, hurried promises of fun, whispered hints of outrageous, unbelievable things.

When the couple spilled out of the dressing room, I followed them. They didn't notice, of course. They twisted and turned down the alleyways, deeper into the night, arm in arm, falling all over each other as they laughed, exchanging furtive glances and open caresses.

The led me to a basement. They slipped inside after exchanging a few words with a man in his twenties. I learned later he was the bouncer. When I tried to follow, he stopped me. Our exchange was pretty simple.

"How'd you find this place?"

I mentioned I followed them from a store.

"You can't go in looking like that."

I asked what I needed to look like. He sneered. I pulled out my robe and head band, put it on, and looked at him. "Will this work?"

He frowned as he examined me. It took him a better part of thirty seconds as he decided if he should let me in or not.

"Got a nickname?"

I shook my head no.

"Alright. You're Voodoo man. If anyone asks, that's what you tell them, alright?"

I nodded.

"Have fun, kid." He collected the cover charge and went in.

I couldn't see anything when I first went it – it was too dark. The noise was overwhelming; electronic, thumping base, happy voices chanting in English over and over. Flashes of light lit the hallway. With each strobe I could see a writhing mass of humanity in various states of undress, the smell of sweat, heat, oh the heat.

Some one gave me a bottle of water and some candy. I ate the candy. I drank the water.

That was my first rave. I quickly discovered that the head band was just as good at holding glow sticks as it was at holding candles.

I always sleep well after a rave. Maybe it's the e, or maybe the 'shrooms, maybe it's the dancing, or maybe it's just the feeling of connectivity I have with the other dancers. Anonymous and yet not, writhing together on the floor, the music thumping as the room spins, my head spinning, the vibrations of the base reverberating in my chest as we grind, bump, and whine through the night.

I love it. I know I probably shouldn't go on school nights, but I can't help it. I'm willing to accept the bags under my eyes. No one really notices me during the day, anyway.

* * *

Again, these things just come out of left field for me. The inspiration behind this little ficlet was a question of, "What would gosunkugi be doing to get those bags under his eyes?" This was the result.

I'm feeling a distinct lack of motivation to finish or start new works. There is a fine line between being in a creative state and being so creative that I lose the will to write. I've gone past the creative stage now. I suspect that I'll go back underground now for months or a year or so, only to re-emerge at some undetermined date.

/shrug

Enjoy it while it lasts!


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own these characters. Any likeness to real incidences is purely coincidental.

* * *

"Excuse me, Sir. Can you tell me how to get to Furinkan High School?"

"Que?"

Ryoga made the mental shift in his head. Spanish. So that meant either Russia or somewhere in Africa, he was pretty sure. He wasn't too far from Japan, then. His Spanish wasn't great, but good enough for him to ask directions. He trudged along, sad that he was lost – yet again – but at the same time slightly relieved to be away from the pressures of Nerima.

Akari was pressuring him to marry, and pressuring him to change some of the habits she didn't like. While he wanted to marry her, and was pretty sure they'd spend a lifetime of happiness together, he knew that changing himself to suit her would be a recipe for disaster in the long run.

She'd just have to accept him as he was, and he'd be damned if he would give up one of his great guilty pleasures, even if indulging in it hurt them both.

It was his great shame. He was very careful about revealing it to anyone in Japan, lest they use it as a weapon against him. Physical blows he could shrug off with ease, but his self confidence wasn't strong enough to cast off aspersions about his character or moral quality.

Particularly since he spent so long pointing out Ranma's supposed lack of honor. If it got out that he had none himself, at least, none where his weakness was concerned, he'd never be able to show his face again.

So, he only indulged when he was lost. Nobody would ever know: nobody could ever know. Except Akari, of course. She always found out about it. He couldn't lie to save his life.

His great weakness was her secret shame. She loved him, and he loved her, but he couldn't give up this vice for her. So publicly she maintained the façade that there were no problems, no perversions that her beloved enjoyed. She presented the perfect front so that no one would suspect. Yet at home, the cycle would begin anew with each act of depravity, each transgression – the pleading to stop, to seek help, begging him to consider how much his actions hurt her. And Ryoga, not able to stop himself, would lash out with recriminations, accusations, and anger – anger at himself, and anger at her for making him aware of his failings.

They would bargain, wheedle, cajole, cry, fight, and reconcile each time, and each time Ryoga would leave with promises to change, to stop, to give up his licentious behavior, if not for her, but for himself as well.

His resolve only lasted as long as he remained in Tokyo. As soon as he got lost, his will became weak. The voice of the devil on his left shoulder would begin to drown out that of the guardian angle on his right, whispering into his ear sweet, sibilant, succulent temptations, all carefully crafted to tear down his resolve not to succumb, not this time.

In the end, the same argument always won. "No one will ever find out," tempted the devil.

And of course, the devil was right. No one ever did find out. But Akari knew. She _knew._ When he returned, she was happy to see him, of course. But there was always a certain hesitancy, a tentativeness that comes from the lack of trust built up by years of a love betrayed. She could see from the way he faced her, the guilt evident in his body language, that he had broken his solemn promise, that _this time,_ it would be different.

It never was.

And so what should have been a joyful reunion was always tainted. She took him back, happy to have him home, but hurt by his inability to resist. The quite suffering, the pained looks she would give him were worse than the arguments.

When it got too much, he got lost. When he got lost, he got sad, and turned to the very thing that caused all the arguments to begin with. He couldn't help it. Ryoga had always been ruled by his passions.

He looked up and saw that his feet had carried him to very place he'd been trying to avoid. He tried to turn around, to walk away. But even when he closed his eyes and ran blindly, hoping to get lost, he always ended up back in front of that damned house of iniquity, the den of sin.

His body knew what he wanted, even if his mind tried to rationalize it away. Akari just couldn't or wouldn't give this to him, and so he subconsciously sought it out, even if it killed them both, incident by incident. In the end he knew it was futile. He hoped Akari would forgive him again; he was mortal and the flesh was weak.

He walked in and was greeted by the attractive madam who ran the establishment. She smiled at him and led him to quite corner to discuss his needs. The wares were paraded in front of him. Ryoga looked them over, and calculating how much money he had on him, decided he could afford two tonight.

After all, if he was going to sin, don't do it half-assed.

He got comfortable and smiled up at the lady who would serve him tonight.

"So, do you know what you want tonight?"

Ryoga nodded. "Yeah. I'll have the roast pork with the brown sugar and cayenne rub, and the pork sausage with baked beans."

"Two meals?"

"Yeah. Tell the cook I want a side of bacon to go with those beans."

The waitress smiled at him cutely. "Okay! Cute accent, by the way."

Ryoga blushed and turned away. He hoped Akari would forgive him. Even though Jusenkyou had cursed him to turn into the pig he was, he still couldn't resist the taste of succulent porcine flesh.

* * *

Move along folks, move along.

This was actually surprisingly hard to write - making the gag last long enough to make you think I was really talking about sex and not bacon? Not easy to do!

This chapter was inspired by the fact that I'm living in a place now where pork products are forbidden. I've been craving a BLT now for so long that I dream about it at night, and I have hallucinations about bacon frying.

If I were Ryoga, I'd totally want pork, even if it made me a cannibal.


	7. Chapter 7

=-=-=

"Ranma No BAKA!" Mallet-sama swung true, connecting with my idiot fiancé and sending him sailing off towards Tokyo Bay, leaving me frustrated and… well frustrated. God, I wish I could find time alone with that jerk so we could actually do something besides yell at each other.

I blame his father, mostly. If he hadn't engaged Ranma to all those other women, none of this would have been a problem. But then again, I don't know. Maybe it took the competition with the other girls to make me admit that I wanted to win, that I wanted him. Sure, I might have been scared of boys at one time, but now… I still hate boys. But I love Ranma.

Why was it this boy caused me so much frustration? There really was no resolution to the fiancée problem, though. No matter how many angles I examined the problem from (and had Nabiki examine it, at great expense), the tangles were just too great to really ever get away cleanly. Unless the others gave up on him willingly, we'd remained deadlocked in this stupid battle for his heart. I know I've already won, but they just won't admit it. I've seen the look in Ranma's eyes right before I mallet him.

It really makes me shiver.

I wonder how it happened that he chose me out of all the women he's got hanging around him. Xian Pu's got a body that is really only topped by Ranma's female self. Ukyo's sweet and nice and got a hint of naughty that sort of makes me tingle. Kodachi's just freaky.

And I sure as hell can't cook, and while I'm okay at martial arts, I haven't devoted enough time to them to really be as good as any of my rivals.

So I've often pondered what made Ranma pick me. I'm not sure, but I think it comes down to the fact that I'm pretty much a huge pervert.

It took me a long time to realize it and an even longer time to admit it. One day a long time ago, before I realize that I did love Ranma, I was gossiping with my girlfriends and we, as always, start talking about sex. Or more appropriately, we talked about my lack of it, which they didn't understand, given how hunky my fiancé was. But I hadn't known Ranma very long at that point, and given the only boy who'd really expressed interest in me up to that point was Kuno, sex was something other people had, not me.

So, in stead they started chatting about their sexcapades. Yuki was talking about how Hiroshi had been so kinky the night before. She pretended to be shy about it, but we both knew the game. She just wanted us to ask her questions so she could draw out the story about what he'd done. In the end, he'd just been a bit rough with her during sex, holding her wrists against the bed and been a bit more forceful than normal.

I remember thinking, "What? Really? Was that it?" I was really kind of disappointed. That sounded pretty normal to me. Hell, I'd even expect it. If any man I loved would be too much of a pussy to take control, he probably wasn't worth my time. To me, kinky inspires visions of tentacle monsters, leather, donkey punches, Dirty Carlos's, and other degrading acts so filthy that no one could possibly enjoy them.

But it got me thinking. And more importantly, reading. I started reading some of Nabiki's shojo manga. Man, what a boring load of tripe. Sure, the romance seemed nice, but a sweet guy waiting on your every desire hand and foot? Boring. The stuff they put out for boys was much better. Bondage, toys, submission, fluids everywhere afterwards… That was the stuff I liked.

Then it dawned on me. I'd always accused Ranma of being a huge pervert. He wasn't. He was pretty much a "normal" boy, considering. Happosai was a pervert. I asked him one time why he never groped me or my sisters, and why he seemed to prefer Ranma. His answer surprised me.

Basically, Kasumi was too pure and it hurt him to touch her. Nabiki was too money hungry and he really didn't get much of a buzz of her. He didn't touch me, on the other hand, because he was afraid of me because he could see my inner freak, and he didn't want to wake it up.

Happosai? Afraid of a girl?

Yeah. Go figure.

So, I'm looking to awaken my "inner freak," as Granddaddy Happosai called it. But there's no way in hell anyone would ever leave us alone for long enough to actually "get in trouble."

Wait. If I did this, and turned just so… It could work. I'd just need to test it out, and then set everything up.

"Hey Kasumi?"

"Yes, Akane?"

"I'm going to head out, okay? I'll be back in about an hour."

=-=-=

"Hey Kasumi!"

"Yes, Ranma-kun?" The long-haired home maker poked her head out of the kitchen, frowning at the sight of the still damn Ranma-chan slipping off her shoes at the entrance. "Ara! Did Akane hit you into the bay again?"

"Yeah." The red-head shrugged. "No biggie, though. I guess I had it comin', seeing as how I made her made again." Ranma looked around. "Hey, it's kinda quiet. Where's the macho-chick?"

Kasumi clucked her tongue. "That's not nice, Ranma. You shouldn't call her names like that. And you wonder why she gets so mad at you."

Ranma just smirked. "It's okay. So, where is she?"

"After she sent you away, she said she had to go somewhere. She'll be back in about an hour."

Ranma looked disappointed, but kept it too herself. "Oh, right then. Guess I'll go clean up. That bay is just filthy."

=-=-=-

Akane hummed lightly to herself as she tied the apron on around her waist. She set the ingredients out on the kitchen counter, just like Kasumi had showed her. She almost giggled when she thought about Ranma's face when he saw what she'd cooked for him. She opened the cook book to a random page, scanned through the recipe, and decided that it was too bland for tonight's meal.

"Akane?" Kasumi stepped nervously into the kitchen, glancing warily at the apron around her waist. Ranma had gotten it as a gag gift for her, but Akane adored the red apron with the radiation warning emblazoned on it.

"Yes, Kasumi?" Akane proceeded to dump some ingredients into a bowl and mix them vigorously.

"Are you cooking tonight?"

"Yeah!" She reached for some flour and poured in the bowl. "I'm going to make a Sichuan hot pot!"

Kasumi blink. And then she blinked again. "Oh. Well, Tofu and I have a date tonight, so I won't be joining you. I'm so very sorry."

Akane nearly dropped the bowl as she gushed, "a date? Really! WOW!!! When did he ask you out?"

Kasumi blushed. "Um… recently?"

Akane gave her eldest sister a big hug. "That's great! I'm sad you won't be here tonight, but enjoy your date, okay?"

Kasumi nodded. "I will. I just have to go get ready now, okay? Try not to make too much of a mess."

"I won't!" Akane was already concentrating on her work, ignoring her sister as she muttered to herself. "Hey Kasumi?"

The oldest Tendo poked her head back inside the kitchen. "Yes?"

"Can you call Nabiki and ask if she'll be home for dinner? I need to know how many I'm cooking for."

Kasumi blinked. Then her brain rebooted. "Oh, right. I'll call right away."

=-=-=-

"Tofu?"

"Ka-ka—ka-kasumi! What a surprise! Why are you calling at this time of the night?"

"Akane is cooking."

"Oh." Tofu's voice sounded much more in control. "Should I call hazmat?"

"Later. Right now, you are taking me on a date."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"I am?"

"Tofu, if you ever want a shot with me, you better own up and get me out of here before I see Akane destroy my kitchen again. Pick me up in 30 minutes."

"Um… Right."

Kasumi hung up the phone and dialed Nabiki's cellphone.

"Tendo."

"Nabiki? It's Kasumi."

"Oh, hey sis. What's up?"

Kasumi took a deep breath. "We have a code-red."

She heard swearing. "Got it. I'll scramble the authorities."

=-=-=-=

It was incredibly quiet in the Tendo Dojo. Ranma slipped out of the bathroom, not hearing any of the normal sounds he usually associated with the house. The clack of the shogi tiles was missing, as was the soft sound of J-Pop emanating from Nabiki's room. There was a steady rumble and clanging sound coming from the living room.

"Akane?"

"In here, Ranma!"

Wait. That sounded like it was coming from the kitchen… "Are you cooking?" He headed down the hall and poked his head in, only to pull it back as a glob of… something… splattered on the door jamb next to him. He eeped.

"Yeap! Just wait! This is going to be the best meal ever!"

"Where is everyone else?"

Akane was busy trying to cram a Dutch oven into the oven with her foot. The pot, or rather, it's contents, was fighting back valiantly, but unfortunately Akane was stronger and managed to force it into the chamber and slammed the door on it. The door shuddered as the "meal" tried to escape, but Akane was ready. She pulled out a crowbar and braced it against the door, wedging it between the floor and the oven door to prevent it from opening.

"Nabiki didn't come home from the University. She said something about some sort of party. Daddy and Uncle Saotome said they had some sort of local council business to take care of, and Kasumi's got a date with Tofu tonight!"

"Really? Wow! When did he ask her out?"

"She said it was all happened very recently."

A resounding thud came from the oven door, but the crowbar held.

"Ah… What are you making, exactly?" Ranma asked.

"Oh, a Chinese dish! It should be pretty good. It's got lots of peppers in it!" Akane looked at a clock on the wall. "Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. I'm going to go change, okay? Be good and watch this to make sure it doesn't get out."

Ranma was at a loss for how he was supposed to answer that request.

Akane gave him a brilliant smile and walked out of the room, heading upstairs to change.

=-=-=-

Ranma sat nervously at the table, holding one chopstick in each hand as he twitched with each roar and thump that came from the kitchen.

He heard Akane call, "You ready to eat, Ranma?"

He gulped.

The kitchen door opened, and Akane came in holding the Dutch oven out away from her body, the lid tied down with chains. She placed it proudly on the table, where it quivered. "Careful, the chains are hot."

The doorbell rang. Ranma gave a sigh of relief, while Akane just looked really irritated. With a huff she stood up. "I'll get it." When she returned, she looked even more annoyed, and Ranma could see why. Behind Akane came Xian Pu and Ukyo, each carrying a take-out box of food from their respective restaurants.

Ranma banged his forehead on the table. "What are you guys doing here?"

Ukyo's expression was pretty dark, neatly matching that of Xian Pu's. "A romantic dinner at home alone with your fiancé? Do you think you'd get away with that, Akane?"

Ranma piped in. "Look, a dinner with Akane, particularly one she cooked, in never romantic. It's frightening."

Akane nailed him on the back of the head.

"Hey, what was that for?" He inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring. He sprang to his feet, standing nose to nose with her as he glared into her eyes intently.

She just stared back, her lips curled in a slight snarl. "You insulted my cooking!"

"Well, your cooking sucks!"

Forehead to forehead, the tension was only broken when Xian Pu opened her to go box and put out several bowls of steaming ramen. Not to be outdone, Ukyo hurriedly opened her own box and displayed the giant okonomiyaki within, the words "I love Ran-chan" written in mayonnaise across the top.

Both smirked at Akane. "Let's see what kitchen destroyer make, ne?" Xian Pu taunted.

With a huff, Akane turned away from Ranma and dug out a key from her pocket. With a flourish, she undid the pad lock that held the chains in place. Nothing happened for a moment, but the lid of the Dutch oven exploded upwards and got lodged in the ceiling. Purple tentacles shot out of the opening, wrapping the surprised Xian Pu and Ukyo up before either could react. Ranma was used to this kind of thing and grabbed Akane before the tentacle monster got her. Throwing her over his shoulder, he hesitated for a moment and then grabbed the okonomiyaki, too. Food in one hand and Akane over his other shoulder, he skedaddled, running towards the outer wall of the Dojo.

Once clear of the wall and away from the source of danger, he put her down and asked, "Jesus, Akane! What was that?"

She smirked. "Sichuan Hotpot – Inferno Road edition." She grabbed the Okonomiyaki out of his hand and tore off a piece. She popped it in her mouth with a smile. "You want some?"

"Umm… You're not more upset?"

She chewed thoughtfully. "Naw… It should keep them occupied for at least a few hours."

"At least?"

She nodded. They started chatting and eating as they walked, earlier anger completely forgotten. Grateful that he didn't have to eat that "dinner," Ranma munched happily on his half of the okonomiyaki and enjoyed the evening. They had only been walking for about thirty minutes when Akane pulled him into a building.

Liking the last bits of food off his fingers, he glanced around and blinked. Akane was busy reading the panel in front of her that displayed pictures of a variety of different rooms. Some where lit and some where dark, but it didn't take Akane long to press one of the buttons on the display panel. The display for that room went dark.

Pulling on his hand, she went buy a small deposit window and dropped in a wad of cash. The tray pulled back, and when it returned it had a key on it.

"Come on." She pulled him up the stairs, almost running in her haste. She scanned the room numbers that lined the hall as she walked until she found the one that matched her key. It took her a moment to get the door open in her haste, but once there she literally threw Ranma through the door and onto the bed.

"Akane?"

She was busy shucking her clothes. Ranma's body twitched in response.

"What's going on?"

Now fully naked, she crawled onto the bed. "What do you think you idiot? Get naked. We've got the room for three hours, and I fully intend to use every second of it."

"Right." Captivated, he just stared at her body.

"I'm waiting!"

"Oh, right!"

=-=-=-

Kasumi came home and nearly cried when she saw the living room. Ukyo and Xian Pu were unconscious and badly beaten in a corner of the room. Akane was covered in bite marks and had faint bruises around her wrists, ankles, and on the back of her legs. Ranma looked like he had been mauled by a wild animal. His hair was a mess, his shirt was torn in places, and his back was covered in scratch marks.

Considering he was currently grappling with some sort of tentacle… thing that was trying to attack Akane, it only made sense.

Ranma heard her gasp and gave her a brief wave, but had to immediately grab the tentacle that made a grab for Kasumi.

"Hey Kasumi! Don't worry! We've got it all under control!"

Akane managed to grab Ukyo's giant spatula, and with a precise attack, cut the monster into two pieces. It shuddered and emitted a noise like a balloon deflating, eventually dissolving into a pile of purple goo on the tatami mats.

Akane and Ranma gave each other a high-five and beamed.

"So… Um… How was dinner?" Kasumi asked, surveying the damage around her.

"GREAT!" The reply came in stereo.

"I'm going to cook again tomorrow night!" Akane smiled brightly while Ranma nodded his head approvingly.

* * *

It was much, much harder to write this for Akane than for Ranma. You can see I was sort of forced to go third person. As always, questions, comments, and reviews appreciated. Tell me what I can do better.

On another note, my other story "Strength of a Horse," seems to have generated a lot of hate mail. I must be doing something write to get such a strong negative opinion.

Thanks, all! If you don't like it, write a better version.


End file.
